Idolatry.

I had to get out in the fresh air and clear my head. And I remember, I walked the streets. I didn’t know what was going through my mind. It all seemed so violent and unreal to me. I wandered on the Upper West Side. It must have been hours. My feet hurt, my head was pounding. I went into a movie. Didn’t know what was playing. I just needed a moment to gather my thoughts and be logical, and put the world back into rational perspective. I went up to the balcony and I sat down. The movie was one I’d seen many times in my life since I was a kid, and I always loved it. I’m watching the screen, and I started getting hooked on the film. And I started to feel: “How can you think of killing yourself? Isn’t it stupid? Look at all the people on-screen. They’re funny, and what if the worst is true? There’s no God, you only go around once, that’s it. Don’t you want to be part of the experience? It’s not all a drag.” And I’m thinking, “I should stop ruining my life, searching for answers and just enjoy it while it lasts.” And after, who knows? Maybe there is something. I know “maybe” is a slim reed to hang your life on, but that’s the best we have. And then I started to sit back, and I actually began to enjoy myself.

Mickey Sachs, Hannah and Her Sisters